Thursday, 25 October 2007

What the hell title ???

Life is a such a tragic event. Sri Krishma Paramatma himself has told in BhagwadGita that the earth is a world of wrongs/mistakes. It is a treasure of sadness. However, many might not feel so. Many are very happy on earth. So, where is their treasure (of sadness). Who has stolen it? Well, the answer is me. I have stolen all the sadness in this world and kept it with me. Life is just a sad saga- an event of setbacks for me. Never ever have i been able to do anything that I wish. Why at least I am living this life which is sucking everything off me? For what mistake of mine am I suffering so much? I guess, the mistake is that I am not in my senses. I have lost my senses. They say that the senses are the drivers. And all my drivers are driving to wrong directions. One needs to emphasize a very good control on one's senses. If not, it can be very dangerous. I am in such a position of life that I am unable to do anything. Neither study, nor work, nor anything. The people for whom I sacrificed everything are today asking me to get out from their lives. I have become a nuisance to them. Well, at least they be happy. Life has taken me to such a place that the only option left is to say-'Goodbye life' so that my loved ones can at least stay happy

Thursday, 18 October 2007

Why my life?

Why is the whole world behind my life? What have I done to whom that the God is killing me? If you intend to kill me, why dont you kill me in a shot? Why is the world torturing my family? What have I done God, what have I done? Why dont you kill us all in a single shot? Why are you pulling our death? Please kill me now, this moment, please kill me, please. For what are you punishing me? Tell me my mistake. What have I done? Why is everyone behind money? Is money everything in life? I am a poor person. I will definitely say this. But now, yes, I am feeling it. Money is everything in life. If you have money, you have comfort, you have life, you have friends, your relatives will speak to you, you will be welcome everywhere. And if you dont have money, you will be kicked out. Your own lover, your own, your own parents, your own children may hate you. Why God, why do you go to only few people and keep the others in such a dumped position? What have we done?

We dont want to be rich God, just help us by giving us a square meal and adding peace to life. Please, please help me. I have lost all the trust on everything in life. People find me painsome now. When I speak out my problem to others, they treat me as a burden and run away. But when they have a problem, I have even played on my life to solve it. Why did you give such a life to me? The people for whom I have done everything are taking me as a pain today. I have been crying from 1 year from my heart. But today, I am unable to hold these tears anymore. They are out. Is there anyone who can hear me? Is there someone called as God? Please come here and see my posotion. I have lost it all. I have lost everything. I did everything for the people who I loved. I fell, I was stamped, I cried, I begged, I did everything. And today, my words are a pain to them. I solved their problems. And now, my problems are a pain to them. How can I trust such people?
This world is full of cheats. The only thing the people are worried about is money, money and just money. I never thought that I would be cheated so badly. Life is such a hell. I wasted all these days caring for them and their needs and forgot to think about myself. And now, when they are happy, if I ask them a small help, they... Forget it. It just sucks

There is no one for me in this world. I have ended every relationship with everyone. If there is someone called as God, let him see me and realise my position. Even he will feel the pain. Please help me, someone, please help

God please...

Thursday, 11 October 2007

11 Oct 2007- A defining step for life...

A day which can be called as one among the most significant day of my life. Today, I have taken some strong steps for the life process. All these days, I have been speaking about studies. But then, nothing is getting possible. Alls happening in dreams alone. And unfortunately, in the real world, I have not been able to do anything. Every moment of life is moving out of reach and I am still there, where I was long back. There has been no growth in life, rather, there has been degradation

For a long time, I have been thinking of getting into real work and get real growth. And today, I have taken the step for that. In fact, I was planning for all this from over 3 days and so, I was not able to update the blog. The plan that I have made is really too big. It will need a lot of effort and sacrifice too. I need to stay concentrated and dedicated. I will be taking a huge risk as my studies are at stake. Personally, I am feeling a little low as academics is a very crucial aspect in the long term. However, for me, I cant keep waiting for that. Due to various limitations that the life has imposed over me, I will have to get on to find solutions. Solutions for the short term. Solutions to survive today. Life is in such a mode that, I am not in a position to think about the future, because, future can come, only if I survive today

Having thought all this, I am moving ahead with some additional plans for life. As Swami Vivekananda says, "Work makes a person's heart and mind pure, thereby, making him ready to learn". So, this can also be an inspiration to get a simultaneously boost for my academics too
The plans are very big. I shall start exposing them as and when time comes. Till then, let they remain in me so that I can keep adding better shape to it and get the best in the final output
Today was again a blissful day. I got up early at around 6.30 am and washed my bike and my dad's activa too. I had informed my close friends to join me at around 8.15 am so that I could inform everyone and seek their support and advice in what I am going to do from now. After all, the love of people is the most precious and the strongest inspiration one can get. I had a quick bath, prayed the God and got ready. After vehicle pooja, I moved to Shirdi Sai Baba temple. Being Thursday, it was his day. In a few moments, my friends too were there. We offered our praying to God and then, I presented the plan along with my partner in this plan before others. All were happy for this. But then, everyone was having a little sadness in their eyes as I will be definitely losing some academic success. So, I am thinking on these lines. Everyone is suggesting me to forget all this and just study. And I know, everyone will definitely say this because no one knows the truth of my life for which I am helpless

After this, I moved on with other works and the activity got a kick start today. We bought some good shares and moved back home. Now, just making some effort to find good shares, speaking to different people, experts, etc

I know that its going to be a hectic task. But I have to move on and I will...

Sunday, 7 October 2007

Update after a long time... 7 Oct 2007, 9 pm

After a weeklong or more of laziness, today, I am again back to the blog. All these days, I dont know what was preventing me from blogging. I used to think of it each day but then I was unable to do it. I have been spending a lot of time on the PC for the purpose of completing the task preparing the CDs of Teachers' Day. Each image has to be edited to make it fine. Its definitely taking a lot of time and energy. All this effort is going towards something which is not benefiting me. But, I am helpless. I have taken up the responsibility and its my duty to keep up my words. However, due to the reponse that I got from certain teachers a couple of days back, I have been hurted a lot. As I have mentioned in my earlier posts, we were falling short in the Teachers' Day celebration budget by more than Rs 2500. So, I made an idea to sell the Teachers' Day photos and videos and get some money. I sold each CD with 8 videos and over 500 photos. Some teachers did not have a compatible VCD player that could read the photos. It was not my mistake that they did not have it. And these people started telling me that it was a waste paying Rs 50 for the CD and there is nothing in it. Well, I could take every blaming but not that of money matter. And why should I, when the CD has everything in it. So, when people took up the money matter, I lost it all. If thats how they speak, what all could I tell? If they have wasted 50 rupees, we have wasted in tens of thousands. But if I do this, there will be no difference between me and them. So, I have decided to return their money back and also give them another fresh CD with all the pictures of not just Teachers' Day but also other functions including the Youth Festival too. At least then, these silly/small/petty minded people will understand. Its really a shame that people, who are so grown up, and for whom we have done so much, speak such things for merely a small amount of money. If I had known this, I would have never ever thought of making so much effort for the T-Day. All that was in my memory like gold has been destroyed by this one statement made by these. I really... pity them

Its taking a lot of time and work to keep going in this path. Anyways, hardwork is the key to success. Lets see how far I will succeed

Life is getting busier with each passing day. However, I am not very happy as this business is not getting anything good to me. Almost the whole of my day goes in this social work and its getting everything out. Hope to complete all this stuff soon and get back to real needs of life